Why the Inner Self Matters Most & Living in Inner Union
You’re the most important person in your life, and the relationship you have with your inner self ultimately determines your entire life. That’s the biggest lesson I have learned over the past 2 years. Creating an inner union with all the parts of yourself is one of the greatest things you can do. Life will go in cycles, and you will live the same one over and over again until you heal the parts of yourself that are asking to be seen. You can go from person to person, and have the same issue with every single one. You can move cities, but your trauma will follow you. You can drink and think it will go away, but it will come back stronger. You can stay in the same situation hoping it will get better, but it will stay the same until you, yourself, decides to change. We often think we our running from our circumstances, but really, we are running from ourselves. The parts of ourselves that need to be healed. The irony here is that the more you run, the more you run away from a life that feels good and aligned with who you truly are. We can’t control our circumstances some times or the way things go in life, but we do have full control over how we respond and how we chose to move forward in life, and this all stems from within.
But most of the time we don’t know what this means, we forget we even are the ones who hold all the answers within ourselves in the first place. Most of us will go through life reacting from a place of the past, our trauma, our wounds, our fears. When we react this way, we are quite literally operating on those frequencies which is just attracting more of the same situations over and over. When we aren’t tuned into ourselves, or aware of how our pain is playing a role in our lives, we create all these illusions to help us survive. But that’s not truly living is it. We can allow these parts of ourselves to be seen, all the fears and pains so that we can heal and chose to be creators instead of victims to our past.
When we ignore our inner self, we end up experiencing the exact thing we don’t want because we are driven by the fears itself. Fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of not being good enough, fear of commitment, fear of money, fear of rejection, fear of whatever it may be, if you continue to move unconsciously with your fears you will indeed experience them. None of these fears, or worries, or stories that you tell yourself are actually things you need to be scared of, they are just traumatized parts of you that your ego is trying to protect you from. But remember in the frequency of love, there is no fear. Love is our natural state of being. We have made our fears become so real, and apart of us without even knowing. Something may have happened to you and your ego never wants you to experience something like that again so what do you do, you control, run, push it down, avoid, and force things in your life. This is how we fall into the trap of operating from our egos. That is not our soul. Our soul, who we actually are, who we came here to be, gets shoved away. You wake up one day and realize the things you thought you wanted, aren’t true to you and don’t make you feel good on the inside.
Getting to know your truest self means you have to become aware of the fears that are driving your life. Maybe it’s the things you avoid, the things you cling onto, or ways of thinking that don’t serve you, become curious why you are feeling this way from a place of love. This is so much easier said than done, and no one in life tells you how hard this type of inner work is. We will continue to block ourselves from healing until we become aware we need to heal in the first place. Everyone on this planet needs to heal. We come here to heal. When you heal, you live a life beyond your wildest dreams. When you heal you experience life in a way that is aligned with your heart. Our hearts are our greatest truth. Uncovering whats blocking your heart will set you free. Nothing outside of you will give you the peace, freedom or true happiness that you desire. This can be hard to accept because we live in a world right with constant distraction, noise, news, and numbness on purpose to block us from this truth. But the pain of staying in this distracted and numb state is so much worse than going back home to yourself. We have created this illusion thats it’s not. Everything always comes back to you, that’s why you’re the most important person in your life. That’s why the inner self matter most. That’s why you can’t obsess over what people think of you, you can’t try to control every single thing in your life, you can’t force people to stay in your life, you can’t try to understand why someone else is the way they are, you can’t regret how things went. Your fears actually have nothing to do with anyone or anything outside of you anyway, despite what your ego says. It’s important to understand that the reason you’re experiencing the fear in the first place, is because it’s coming from within you, and you’re the only one who can change and heal it, we don’t have to operate and live in states of fear.
When you begin to recognize the truth of knowing that your inner self deserves everything from your first, and to feel safe with you first, you will see that all these fears were there because you were running from that truth, trying to find it somewhere outside of you. This causes you to stay stuck in a sate of lack, anxiousness, sadness and fear instead of using those feelings as a guide to look inward and connect with your self. Looking for validation, approval, or love externally will only keep your search longer and more painful, trust me. Coming back to yourself can be so challenging and can feel so scary. But I promise the more resistance you have to this, the more agony you will experience as the universe is trying to wake you to this truth of coming back home. This is a lifelong journey of getting to know yourself and transcending all your pain and fears into love, and most of us will never do it. But the most amazing thing is when we chose to do this inner work for ourselves, others around us will naturally start to as well. Coming back to myself has been probably one of the most challenging things I have ever done, but I just know there is no other way to live the life of my dreams. If you’re already on your journey of healing or you are just becoming more aware of these parts of yourself, congratulations it is one of the biggest blessing you can receive. It’s perfect, everything in your life is going exactly how it’s meant to. I’m going to share the ways that helped me reconnect with myself and create an inner union with all parts of myself.
Creating Inner Union
Working with your Ego
A lot of people don’t even know they are operating from their egos, or they like to think so. But we all do. It’s simply impossible not to, but we can learn to work with our egos to heal. Every human being has an ego, and I think the term ‘ego’ gets a bad reputation. Ego is not a bad thing, it is just there to keep us safe in this human experience. It’s designed to keep us safe in times when we are in danger and to keep us on our toes. And our ego puts us into survival mode whether the threat is real, or just in our egoic minds driven from fear. Our ego’s don’t know that they are causing us more harm than good and it’s up to us, our truest selves, to become aware of how our egos are keeping us safe in ways that aren’t actually serving us. Self-Sabotage, controlling, people pleasing, or anything where you abandon yourself or your own needs for something outside of you, is usually when we are operating from your ego. We sometimes don’t even know this, I didn’t for so long with so many situations in my life. When I became aware of my thoughts and how they kept me stuck, or ways I acted that didn’t serve me, I realized they all came from the past. Past stories and past experiences that were still playing out in my life because I hadn’t acknowledged them from a place of compassion and self understanding. Your ego will take these stories and experiences on as an identity, and make you feel the need to control. It thinks it’s trying to protect you from experiencing past pains and traumas again, but its actually doing the opposite because your ego is being driven by your fears! This is why you may feel like never seem to change or actually fix what you are trying to fix, because it’s coming from a place of control, which is the ego.
You can begin to get to know your ego, one of the greatest ways you can learn from your ego is looking at where and what you’re trying to control in your life. Where do you feel a lot of resistance or fear? What are the thoughts that come up around your fears? Just become aware of them thats all you have to do, and understand that you’re identify is not your ego. By doing this process you will naturally start to soften your ego, and no longer fight these parts of yourself but rather integrate them as parts of yourself that deserve your love and acceptance.
Loving your Inner Child
I can’t express how important your inner child is to you, I mean it’s the purest you. We often think that we grow up to become someone else, but that is not the case. We grow up only to find that our truest self, most authentic self, was who we were when we weren’t full of societal conditioning, parental programming and limiting beliefs that we were conditioned to accept as our own. We have created these false identities for ourselves based on who our parents might want us to be, or how society and social media tells us how we should be. When we were kids are minds were like little sponges, they absorbed and took on everything we were told! Whether you remember or not! Maybe you were told you weren’t good enough, or that you would never reach your dreams, or that they way you were was weird, all these moments from our childhoods are still affecting us to this day.
Our parents do the best they can with where they are in their own journeys and their state of consciousness, but sometimes more times than not, their own traumas, wounds, beliefs and fears get placed upon the child and programmed into us. We have these blockages and wounds that aren’t even ours and they keep us from being our truest self because we were once told it wasn’t safe. This is all apart of the healing process, we can heal generational trauma that has been in our families for years, instead of passing it on and on. Inner child work is one of the most crucial steps towards healing. I was the most creative little girl you could think of, all I wanted to do was creative, draw and design. Along the way I lost that completely. I am only finding that again now. I wrote down all the things that lite me up when I was younger and it all had to do with art and creation, and I made a promise to myself to put my energy into that. Think about the things you loved when you were younger, more times then not, its apart of your purpose. An amazing way to connect with your inner child is by doing inner child healing meditations, just youtube this and you will be guided to one perfect for you!
Sitting with the Discomfort
In order to actually heal, you have to feel your feelings and emotions, find out why they are there and validate them because they’re so real. Actually feel them and feel what they feel like no matter how uncomfortable. Sit in this discomfort, and see that it’s all okay, stop running. This is the only way to let them go. Once you do this you will realize that it’s much worse avoiding them, which is what causes the continued pain and discomfort in the long run. Pain and sadness have such a valuable lessen if you can lean into the message and teaching behind them. The reason why you are feeling discomfort or going through something hard is because your soul is talking to you, teaching you something. So often we are so concerned with how other people are feeling, whether that is how they feel about us, or just putting their needs above our own. This is the fastest way to disconnect with your true self. Putting others needs, worry’s, thoughts above your own causes you to put yourself last. You automatically lower your sense of self and your own feelings by avoiding how YOU really feel. Try to sit down close your eyes, and ask yourself how things have been making you feel. Ask yourself how people in your life are making you feel, or certain situations, and you will see your own truths to things. This is the discomfort you had been avoiding, but after your allow yourself to sit with your feelings, you will see the discomfort of avoiding it all was much worse than just leaning into the feelings. Truly listen to what comes up and how you feel, and don’t try and lessen why you feel a certain way. Validate it. Tell yourself it’s totally validate that you feel this way. Everything will become much clearer, trust me. You will notice that you will become less reactive to things, you will understand yourself so much more. You deserve to be heard by yourself and validated by yourself, you can’t ignore your internal guidance system. Learn to sit in the discomfort of your feelings and be okay with them, this will turn it into guidance.
Letting Go
Write out everything you wish you could let go of, the things that feel so heavy on your shoulders and heart. The things you feel burdened with. The things that feel impossible for you to move on with. I’m serious just do it. Everything. Even if it’s not possible right now to actually let it go. Maybe its your job, or a person in your life, a situation you just can’t stop obsessing or worrying over, thoughts that keep you stuck, past stories you’re holding onto. Maybe it’s coming from the future or the past, either way you have to learn to be here NOW. Then ask yourself how holding onto these things is actually serving you. How are you benefiting from holding onto these things so closely, when doing so is actually causing you so much pain. You might think that holding onto these things is benefiting you because they are all driven from fears within you, but they aren’t serving you. They are fears that are blocking your true state of being. Loosen your grip on everything that just seems too painful to let go of, and you will start to see that you’re the only one causing the suffering to begin with. Each day remind yourself that you’re willing to slowly let these things go. “I am willing and open to letting this go, I am beginning to see it is possible for me to fully let this go” Just by saying that, you’re changing your life. As we let these false illusions fall away that made us who we thought we were, we get closer and closer to our soul, and you begin to realize there was nothing to fear since the beginning. Old things will fall away, new things will enter that are much more aligned. Loosen your grip on life and trust in the greater plan. Allow water to rush through your mind taking away anything that is not serving you, leaving you with a crystal clear mind.
When I write these posts sometimes I get a lot of fear because who am I to be talking about these things when I don’t even know what life really is, or what I am doing here (Hi Imposter Syndrome), but I write these posts sometimes in the darkest moments of my life because it is my heart pouring out love to me. It is my truth, it is my healing, it’s my heart talking to yours. Even in the darkest moments of life, when you can’t seem to go on, that’s when you will realize life is only trying to show you how deep you can go, how far you can look inside yourself. You might want to keep running and stay numb, but life will always bring you back to the pain again to learn to sit in it with love. Love truly is limitless, but only if you see that within yourself first. That is why before you can experience deep love externally, you must fully feel and embrace it within. I never want to come off like I know everything I’m saying, or that I am fully healed or perfect, because that is so so far from the truth. I am experiencing all of this with you. There is a reason for me sharing this in these moments of my life, because it is so real. The realest thing I have ever experienced. I love you.
